Boyfriend, what boyfriend?
by Akely
Summary: Okita thinks Kagura, his girlfriend, cheated him with a giant and confronts her. Hint: She doesn't know when she become his girlfriend.


**Boyfriend, What Boyfriend?**

 _Sometimes your girlfriend cheats on you for a Giant_

* * *

Now, Okita Sougo wasn't mad. He wasn't at all. There was no reason in getting irritated just because his alleged girlfriend— China girl, for those who didn't know yet— had cheated on him with a giant, of all things. The news came later then expected since the vixen decided to never confess her sin, and he was too busy to watch the new episodes his cool self didn't appear in. At least, the _rakugo_ program looked far less boring to his taste. Why should he ever worry about China when no one would see her as a female, and that he, the prodigy _bishonen_ had proposed to her?

Apparently a giant _dickhead_ of the giant dicks' planet.

And she accepted.

To remind people, for good measure, he was everything a girl could dream of nowadays: handsome, high-ranked officer, prodigy and young. Sure he could come out sadistic, but didn't _Fifty Shades of Red_ become a bestseller with movies following one another? The actor wasn't half as good as he were, in both beauty and… capable hands. No, Okita was sure that most girls would easily bow down to him in pure adoration.

However an alien girl as eccentric as China probably didn't count as "most girl" for sure she was everything but normal or common which was partly why he had chosen her, of all people. It never came to him that amongst her flaws— being a glutton, dirty-mouthed like a sailor and overall, unfeminine and vulgar— she was a cheater. Not that Okita never exploded the parasites approaching her, and even when fairly handsome males begged her for a date she wouldn't spare a glance without the mention of food, free food to be exact.

All the chaos, in a nutshell, could explain why exactly his feet were loudly drumming against the floor of the park while he sat arms-crossed on their bench. At the very least China was decent in not bringing the intruder to _their_ bench, their love nest, if love meant intense sparring with long, long strings of curses. Fortunately for the world, Kagura was already trotting towards Okita without noticing his sour mood.

"Hah, you deserve some Oscars I have to admit. Do you like playing the innocent so much?" Okita sneered when she closed in, seemingly innocent with her sukonbu in mouth. As if nothing happened.

"What _shit_ are you spewing already, Sadist?"

"Don't you think you have a little something to tell me? Like, I don't know, going out with another guy other than me and getting engaged? Did you think I would never found out? You're wrong."

Kagura slitted her eyes, trying to remember the hardest what happened in the past weeks and mostly, trying to make a link from her personal life to Okita's flare-up.

"Are you talking about Dai-chan?"

" _Dai-chan_? Wow, you look close to your ex. I didn't know you had such loose legs, hope' you haven't gotten a new boyfriend already." Upon seeing Kagura's blank face, Okita almost spat the chuubert he was consuming— instead of sulking over her infidelity."What, you do?!"

"Gin-chan."

"I should have known, there's no way a lonely and old man would take in a brat like you if he didn't obscene ideas behind. Our Sadist Duo will be over when I'll arrest him."

"Shinpachi."

"After all you did have some idol arc, this can't do well with a hormonal monster like him and I'll end his life with my katana. Up his ass."

"Papi."

"Of course, this egghead— wait, are Yato into incest? I mean there are fans out here shipping you with your brother which is disgusting already, don't tell me your father too? Are you guys really this unmodernised?" He rubbed the bridge of his nose, "Wait there's nothing that makes sense here."

Suddenly Okita had like an epiphany. To his plan of conquering China in more than more ways there had been a stupid error, a miscalculation he should have known from the start: she had no concept of romance or whatsoever. Most of her entourage were males much to his dismay, and her few females friends or sisters were all amazons who he betted they weren't much better.

"A boyfriend can't be your father or your brother."

"It's someone who love me, yes?" Kagura felt her blood dulling. She came to spare as usual but it all took a 360 turn all because Okita had his period today; even if she didn't know what period was. She heard it made people riled up for nothing and surely, Okita was having it. There was no other sensible explication to his burst of anger when he liked to play cool and deadpan most of the time.

"Not that way. You see, a boyfriend's love is very different— you can hug him for example."

"I hug Gin-chan all the time, so he's my boyfriend?"

"Stop immediately." Okita cut dryly, "And let me finish, you can do stuff like kissing and, well you'll know later. He's special to you, but it's not always obvious. He could be like, you know, taunting you but always saving you in the end."

"Then it's Kamui?" She didn't look convinced, still she sat down with some distance in-between and plucked another red packet from nowhere.

"I said it can't be family! Think well— someone that doesn't show openly affection or rarely, but cares for you a lot."

"Ah! I know!"

Okita wished he could just speed up the process to the part where he scolds, then kisses her because he pinpointed her first. He saw her first, and it was only normal to reap the fruits of his claim right?

But the next words froze him instead.

"Toshi! He always looks angry, but I'm sure he's good inside. Kinda feel like Gin-chan but he's not family right?"

"Why would you think of Hijikata-san?" Did the man really have a death wish after all? It was enough he stole Kondo-san and his dear sister from him, but Okita wasn't this kind to share his lover. It was his, and his alone. "You really don't see anyone else? I saved you so much times. Thanks, China, I thought your memory was better than that."

"You?" Her blue eyes bore holes in his own, "Nah that sounds so wrong."

"Wrong?"

"I don't know what boyfriend means, but I don't think you just get angry and fight and curse him. I'm sure you like me, though," she cackled like a kid who was proud of a bad pun. His brain didn't register yet the mocking underneath because it was a rare moment where she was openly happy in his presence. His pride mattered to him a lot, but for a second he felt like he didn't mind his ego if he could replay this scene again, surely she had proven again that he fell for her— hard. He couldn't even deny the fact so obvious it was.

"What if I did like you? No, love you?"

"That sounds utterly disgusting Sadist. You're not mushy-mushy like that."

"Did you that deep in every sadists' hearts, they're very _yandere-yandere_? Oops, I meant mushy-mushy."

"I still wonder why you're a policeman, you'll be caught one day for killing someone innocent. Ah, maybe you already killed an innocent but hid his corpse well. You should teach me one of these day because Gin-chan still won't pay me."

"If you have enough of living with boss," Okita didn't miss the opportunity," you could live behind my iron bars."

"Gin-chan said that I can't live with any boys other than him until I'm thirty."

Okita wondered for a moment how much of an overprotective dad the silver perm have become, especially knowing that the women of their era could marry at 13. Then again he would be even worse once China give him ton of mini-Chinas to adore and protect.

"Well, since I'm your boyfriend it doesn't count. I even proposed once."

"You want me in jail. When did I say 'yes', anyway?"

"It's strange, I don't remember well. Do you think that being in Hijikata's loser aura is infecting my top-notch brain, China?"

"You're healthy. You can't remember because I never said that." Kagura casted a bored look at him.

Right. The consent and official asking, he had forgotten about such archaic rule. Who cared about that when China read him like a book?

"Easy, then. Say yes now, and I'll go get the papers tomorrow— I might need a signature too."

Kagura swung her thin, but strong arm into his stomach. He felt like he'd throw up all the tabasco-tinted food he ate until now, with the addition of his favourite grape chuubert. She hit stronger than anyone who had hit him before— and that wasn't a given.

He felt soft and warm hand pressing against his forehead.

"You sure you aren't sick?" Kagura tilted her head in doubt. "Boyfriend, girlfriend, does it really matter? It's not important."

"It does," Okita closed his fingers around the hand checking his temperature. "Because you decide to go out and marry a giant without my permission, then act as if nothing happened when I confessed and proposed to you."

"When?"

"You know, at your almost-funeral and when you were on the boat."

"You weren't joking?"

"Half, but it doesn't mean you can go for a giant dickhead instead."

Kagura rose up and pointed him with an accusing finger, "You! You're jealous! I knew you like me!" She started laughing at him, but Okita wasn't amused. Instead he pulled her over him with the help of the grasp he had on her wrist, and instantly their faces were close. Close enough for their breath to mingle, and her laughing to stop.

Enough of joking, he had decided.

"You're my girlfriend from now on—", and shut her mouth with his free hand, "—No discussion. I'll provide you food, drinks and clothes if you want. Stop hugging Boss, or letting Glasses washing your underwear because I know you do and don't see anyone but me. Especially for giants like that, what could you find in him? I'm the prince of the Sadists' planets too, and much more handsome."

"This fucked-up planet really exist?"

"No, but I might just make one when I'll be Kaizer Okita Sougo de Sade the First." Okita shrugged, "What kind of place do you want to go for our first date?"

"I'm not going!"

"I know you do, because… right now your ears are as red as your hair."

Okita Sougo never failed, if China read him like a book then he understood her the most as his long-time rival. It didn't matter if he considered her to be a girlfriend without her oral consent, because he also knew they were the best match possible for each other. He also knew that despite her acting _tsundere_ most of the time she was forever his China, and him her Sadist.

"… I want to go to sea."

"It's a bit cold for this season."

"Yeah, but it's pretty isn't it?"

"Hmm." Okita stood up but didn't release any grasp, instead he gently held one of her hand in its own. It was warm, and it felt even better after having such a stupid talk when everyone knew about them, or at least had a feeling of what was going on. "Do you understand what's a boyfriend now?"

"Not really."

"Well, it's the only person allowed to do that _that_."

"The—" Kagura didn't have the time nor the will to finish as Okita leaned towards her, his slightly dry lips slanting with her. She expected something less sweet and chaste, because her stupid boyfriend was Sadist, and because he was stupid for dating her when she wasn't thirty yet, but it didn't change the fact she just closed her eyes to enjoy the feeling of his lips.

When they separated, Kagura needed to add something. "…Why didn't you come?"

Okita grinned. She was being honest now— he observed her to be sly when it came to tactics. She did try to imitate death just to get Boss and Glasses' attentions and care,"I was busy."

"Even for your girlfriend?"

"I thought you weren't my girlfriend yet," his smile widened even further if that was possible. Kagura pouted. "But next time it happens, well, don't be surprised if we really take a spaceship to Sadists' planet before I kill everything on Earth."

 **END**


End file.
